I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
