why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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