I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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