I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
