woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My liver just had a heart attack.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
