She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
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it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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