I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
