turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
