I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
