Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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