His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
