I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
