just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
