Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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