I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
