Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
