i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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