how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
