2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
