i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
