its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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