Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
