escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
