i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
