I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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