I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
