my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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