to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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