well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
