mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she peed on how many people?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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