i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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