You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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