Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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