Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
