I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
