i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
