She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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