this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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