Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
