Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
