how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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