So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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