I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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