I think I died a long time ago.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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