I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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