you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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