I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
