Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just want to make out with him forever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
