he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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