id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
