I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
