i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
