My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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