no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
