This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was like eating out sand paper
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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