dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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