i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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