He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
