I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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