she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
