shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
