Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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