Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
