You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize