i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I am morally bankrupt
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
