this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
