Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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